A Shame-Informed, Integrative Approach to Help Clients Recover from Emotional Avoidance, Self-Sabotage, and Overachievement
Perfectionism isn’t really about high standards. It’s about avoiding shame.
“An impressive range of practical tools . . . thoughtful, well-written, and engaging.”
Steven C. Hayes, PhD, originator of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
The overachiever who can’t rest. The procrastinator who can’t start. The people-pleaser, the client who numbs out, the one who keeps everyone at arm’s length. Different strategies, same fear: you don’t belong as you are. That’s why our clients symptom-swap, and why treating the behavior alone rarely holds.
A somatic wound: “I don’t belong as I am.” Lives in the nervous system before it’s ever a thought.
Disappointment, vulnerability, inadequacy, rejection: feelings fused with shame, so they can’t be felt.
The rules: “I belong only if I achieve enough, appear perfect, never fail.”
What we see in the room: overworking, people-pleasing, controlling, numbing, escaping.
Lasting change means working the whole cascade, from safety in the body to the behaviors on the surface. This book shows you how.
Perfectionistic clients fear that self-compassion will make them lazy. The Support–Expectations Grid shows them why it won’t: what changes outcomes isn’t how high the bar is, but how they treat themselves on the way to it.
Comfortable but unchallenged. Self-acceptance without growth, where “good enough” turns into settling.
An inner coach. High standards held with compassion, mistakes as learning, healthy risk-taking, sustainable excellence.
Learned helplessness and disconnection. “Why bother trying?”
Classic perfectionism. The inner critic in charge, “never good enough,” chronic dysregulation, burnout.
The path to healing isn’t lowering standards. It’s adding self-compassion so high expectations become sustainable. The book shows you how to help clients make that move.
Get the free starter kitBlending Internal Family Systems, somatic approaches, attachment theory, ACT, and exposure therapy, this integrative guide will teach you how to:
Six tools and diagrams from the book, plus a guide to using them in your first three sessions.
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CE trainings, workshops, and keynotes on treating perfectionism, shame, and emotional avoidance for group practices, training programs, conferences, and organizations.
Inquire about speakingOrdering for a group practice, clinical training program, consultation group, or course? Order multiple copies directly through PESI, or call their team at 1-800-844-8260 to ask about bulk orders.
Order through PESIPaperback · 336 pages · PESI Publishing · January 19, 2027
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